I am slowly losing myself , draining grains of sand into the waves of darkness lapping up on the shores of my life. My habits are changing, and so are my sources of comfort. In between the pages of books and laughter of my close knit friends, the unsupervised trips outdoors to spending your own money on your favorite food… so many things in which I once found joy ,holds no value to me anymore. Avoiding social conflicts , normalizing in rifting opinions and fighting wars raging in my head has become my daily routine for survival. Life is not simple anymore. Heartbreak is rampant among the streets and everything gets to me a little more than I care to admit. I may shrug all discomfort off for the moment , but it always comes back to haunt me , when I am at my lowest. When your own mind is working against you , your only source of comfort goes to the bottle of vodka assuring to switch off your mind as long it is fed into your blood stream . Why do you complain, they ask me, they say I am to be thankful for the roof over my head , the food I eat , the place i live, the education i have .Why wont they see i am deprived of empathy or understanding , faith shattered to the ground by the mockery and shaming I face for every move I make , the very breath I take. What a paradox I live in . I have everything ,yet I have nothing.
-How depression is shamed for being a first world problem.(Midnight thoughts)