Her first thoughts: Empathy – Mere understanding.
Mainly from her inner circle; which now, only consisted of her best friend and her man. It is vital to her. She is a people loving person, or maybe she was. She will go the ends of the earth to make her loved ones happy.
But sometimes, when everyone is busy with their own lives, she needs someone to understand her and tell her that everything is going to be okay.
She wants everyone else to stop looking at her the way she now sees herself; fat, broad and thick, a little more that harebrained and forgetful, clumsy ,careless and a big ugly mess.
Just for once, she wants everyone to stop pointing at her flaws, as if she haven’t heard it a million times already, and just for once, accept her for who she is, even if that means accepting her flaws.
At times, she too needs someone to tell her she is beautiful especially with all her flaws and actually make her believe she truly is.
To tell her she is strong, even when no one sees it, through her tears and pain, through her babbling worried thoughts that never seems to fade.
Someone to accept her with round bulges of flesh which developed due to emotional eating disorders when she found comfort in food.
To tell her she is accepted, even when she sweats her day out to burn all those love handles and tip the scales in her favor.
To tell her that her mistakes was just that- Mistakes. It can be forgiven and forgotten and no one thought that she was worthless because of a single mistake.
To tell her she is not her mistakes but she is what she learnt from it and was only human.
To tell her it is okay to feel insecure and will always hold your hand till that jittery feeling in your heart goes away.
Till you feel whole again. You again.
And most of all, she wants that someone to be herself.
She wants to be brave, strong and all other things her women of inspiration were for themselves. She wanted to be there for herself. To stand up for herself and what she believes in.
But she doesn’t know how.
And whenever she tries, she has only received mockery and for the most part criticism. Almost always.
So for now, she is the sad girl in the mirror, who looks back with eyes void of any emotion, wondering if there will come a time that she might forget how to smile.
She wonders if she can take any more blows, after all the emotional trauma she’s already been through so far without shattering her scanty confidence or whatever is left of it.