“To err is human, to forgive is divine” – An Essay on Criticism Part II, 1711 by Alexander Pope.
All of us have made mistakes, have messed up really bad, and almost always end up worrying about the problem more than necessary, swallowing in guilt and finally have very low self esteem and barely any more confidence , what was left before the mistake we made. This piece inspired from a YouTube video, which pushed me to write out something that has always been swirling in mind, but could never find the words to jot down.
I cannot stress enough, on how communication has a huge part to play in the aspect of our mental health. Mistakes are seen as the bane of our existence, and this very concept can tamper on our mental strength. In the contrary, mistakes have paved the road to where we stand right now and lead us to the road of our future. Without our mistakes, we would never have realizations, would never discover anything; like how we feel about a person, situation or an emotion and more importantly, ourselves.
But the trick lies in how we handle our mistakes. We can spend our time wallowing in regret and guilt, can let our confidence take the blow, or completely forget and ignore it until you end up repeating it.
I am now going to list down a few of my biggest mistakes, whatever I can remember or think of currently, and don’t get me wrong, I am not going to focus on the spilling of my coffee, taking a wrong turn in a map or using the shade of lipstick for an outfit. These are a few of the things I hope if altered or changed will make a huge positive impact on my life and others around me. So here goes…….
- Coping mechanism for stress used to be reading books, which was healthy; currently transformed into crying/ spiraling down the nasty path of depression.
- Acceptance of mistakes without ruining your self confidence/esteem- almost never done.
- No Patience with myself.
- Not appreciating good people when they were around.
- Trusted people who didn’t deserve it – and was let down or stabbed in the back , more than once.
- Putting others needs and wishes before my own (not sure if it’s a mistake, but I have definitely let myself down on several occasions).
- I have lied to people.
- Never acted upon or fought hard enough for what I wanted or believed in.
- Procrastination; which helps me go through unwanted stress, every single time and i never learn.
- Laziness. which creates my Frankenstein : procrastination.
- Pretended to be okay when I wasn’t (But at times,the consequences deemed it necessary).
- Given shit advice to people never really truly understanding what they have gone through.
- Haven’t followed my own advice.
- Said hurtful things to people I love in anger and spite.
- Bailed on friends.
- I care too much of what other people think of me (Working on it).
- Tried to change people.; implies on my double standards.
- Never taken enough opportunities when they come knock at my door.
- I always focus on the impractical part of things instead of looking of a practical possible solution.(I love building castles on the clouds, with unicorns farting rainbow, and infinite chocolate rivers, sky made of glitter ;a place where no problems or anything negative existed- yeah that’s who I am ).
- Had double standards on many concepts (comparison of people, gender stereotyping, empathy, jumping the gun on conversations, etc; many things I wouldn’t want myself to be subjected to ;but expect from others).
- Taken revenge on several occasions.(Many a times-mainly my sister).
- Tried to be someone that I am not ; several times and occasions.
- Worrying about all the wrongs I did instead of focusing on what I could have differently and the consequences;how to handle them.
- Never have taken an action to consciously work on my mistakes and improve myself.
- Always stuck in the past, hanging onto my mistakes, never focusing on the present.
- Let myself be walked over and never standing up for myself.
- Associated my desirability to my body image and weight and let the hurtful comments get to me.
- Complain and never do anything about it.
- Didn’t read a job offer letter thoroughly and ended up losing the job due to mistaken locations.
- Cheated on a test in 6th grade.
- During my PG never made an effort to learn something, instead chewed up the textbooks, just to erase everything the day after the exams.
There is no point in just jotting down your mistakes, if you have no desire in accepting them and want to change for the better, or at least think of ways on how you could have handled it better. The one thing I am really bad is to forgive myself. I would never hold the past against anybody because I truly believe; we as a whole can change for the better against time, and again a comment on the video this piece is inspired from gave me a huge perspective. If I wouldn’t do it to others, why am I doing it to myself?
Accept what you have done, was a mistake.
Forgive yourself: Repeat “I will not hold my past against myself.”
Think about all the ways you could make the situation better, or make it up to a person, or calm your nagging conscience.
If not, try to think about the things you could have done differently, different ways in which you could’ve done to change the situation.
Make a promise to yourself, the next time around, or when you face the situation again, you would handle it in a better way.
Make sure you do not let your self esteem or confidence suffer for the mistake. Repeat “I am not my mistakes; I am what I learn from it”
All of this will not be accomplished soon. It is a process which has a certain amount of time associated to it and varies for everyone. All that is to be done is to try. All of the above, is easier said than done. Even I have not conquered the art of mastering your mistakes. So don’t beat yourself up .Repeat “Its a process, and sometimes trying is the best we can do “.