There was a certain uncertainty to the situations around me. I was constantly fidgeting without knowing why. My mind was a disarray of things unknown, situations tumbling towards outside the comfort zone. Everything was chaos.
The control freak in me was paling into the entire blur that surrounded me. Detecting the cause for all this whirling might lead to the solution I thought. Meeting him up close and personal would solve it all I thought. Seeing him physically at the reach of my fingers would calm the chaos I thought. It had happened before, when I laid my eyes on his smiling face, I felt my problems vanish. And that was the only solution I thought. To all my absurd and erratic thoughts.
My biggest form of escapism, as it seems has been evading me as though it was escaping from myself, as I harbored these capricious thoughts. More than a week passed, and as the situation grew tense, the disputes made themselves very prominent in all our conversations.
As the foresight of his departure was nearing, I was trying to find some peace amid all the complications and consequences. Approaching a tensed soul is never an answer for the quest for happiness that I realized when I happened upon his beautiful face, scarred with tension, his brow muscles rigid, his lips pulled into a straight line, unusual for me because I am always used to seeing an upward curve of his smile, through the screen of my laptop.
Bothered about something unknown, that we both were. Sensing we both had our own problems, that is where and when the conversation began to flow.
To be able to communicate freely was since a long time a luxury we couldn’t afford. Our conversation turned from the things that mattered to our musings, to the lyrics of a song, to the taste of new food and to all those tiny details of our lives we had long forgotten to share. We spoke for more than an hour uninterrupted and as we came to the end, I felt a huge weight lift of my chest, that I never noticed had been there all along. My mind felt so free of all the previous chaotic thoughts and disruptions. It felt like my whole life took a happy turning on its own.
It was then realization struck me. He didn’t have to be physically present next me .He just needs to be close to me, mentally and emotionally. The connection that we share, I cannot explain, it’s too deep rooted for words. I just feel him with me, and I feel my heavy eyelids drooping and pulling me into a beginning of a dream .This is all I need for my peaceful slumber to return back to me.
This is all I need