Anger comes to me every time and at the smallest snaps, I am irritated. But is a rarity for him. Always patient to my never ending rants, tantrums and bouts of jealousy, he is my float when I am drowning. But let’s be real, this is not all roses and rainbows. This is life and sure as hell there are his limits and I definitely have crossed a few.
And most often than not, his anger fits have always surprised me, and usually I am left wondering what I have done to trigger the rise of his blood pressure, and as always I would never have a clue.
His rare, once-in-a few-months, display of animosity, always jerks my damned tear ducts. It even stuffs down a poor frog down my throat.
Only after his rage has calmed down would he be even willing to talk about why he was infuriated in the first place. And it would usually end up being those little things I always miss. With him, with everyone else and in life, I have always missed those small things that are quiet important but tiny enough that I miss it. And knowing that, waves of regret wash over me, every single time.
Now, with time and effort, I have begun to see that slight pattern of things that makes him happy and always try to bring those out .It is those tiny things that matter and I truly understood that, with him in my life .It can be like giving him my share of water, or my pen, or just looking at him when I pass by .That is all what it takes to make him happy. Those are the things he taught me, on this journey of ours together.
He taught me patience, love, compassion and if not taught, he definitely showed me a way to express them; He has helped me in building my relationship towards my family, and stuck with me through my worst.
There is no more sparks and fireworks, of that first love, but there is this sense of being together, a feeling of security and happiness, and knowing that you will not be alone in this world no matter, how far apart we are from each other.
I sense him now, in a whole new different level, telepathy, if you will. I can feel when he is angry and know when he has cooled down. Laughably, I am a person of science and do not believe in this kind of mumbo jumbo. But to feel his fury receding is an extraordinary experience.
And after all our fights, misunderstandings, arguments, conflicts and differences, I know this for sure. I know, we will love each other to the fullest, till the end.